Girl on Girl: 50 Shades of You Have Got to be Kidding Me
Originally published on CUIndependent.com on Feb. 21, 2015
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To start, a confession:
I saw “Fifty Shades of Grey” on Valentine’s Day hoping to walk out feeling steamy and awesome, thinking that the film would be cheek-flushing sexy and empowering in allowing women to be rightfully sexualized. I went in with anticipation for an article that said “hell yes mom-porn does it right,” wanting to encourage and applaud women who want to explore their sexuality, like men are so easily allowed to do.
Here is what actually went down this Valentine’s Day:
The dirty Twilight-knock off trilogy by E.L. James that has been all the rage was finally made into a movie, and no less had it’s debut on V-Day, breaking numerous box office records. The book has been popularly talked about as written porn for your mother that follows a raunchy love story about BDSM: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Cool, right? Expectations were definitely high for director Sam Taylor-Johnson in how she would bring the story to life. While book readers might be pleased to see the fantastic Mr. Grey jump on screen, I for one am absolutely pissed off. There will be a lot of funny comebacks in response to this movie, but this will not be one of them.
What I saw last Saturday night is something I’d like to call consensual rape.
Rape is a very difficult topic, and one that is very confusing to grasp. What exactly is rape? How is it defined? According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, whether something qualifies as rape depends on three questions: 1. Are the participants old enough to consent? 2. Do both people have the capacity to consent? 3. Did both participants agree to take part? According to the organization, a common question surrounding rape is: “I didn’t resist physically – does that mean it isn’t rape?”
Many will argue that Anastasia Steele, the woman in the movie who engages in a relationship with Christian Grey, is consenting to the kind of relationship he has in mind for them when she signs “the contract.” That’s right, Mr. Grey wants Anastasia to sign a nondisclosure agreement. He wants the relationship to meet his exact requirements. He wants her to be bound to him, and he wants it in writing, with a pretty little signature at the end. Might I add that this contract refers to Grey as “the dominant” and to Anastasia as “the submissive.”
To spice things up a little, Ana is a virgin. She tells Grey this, and he borderline explodes with arousal, takes her into a bedroom, rips off her clothing, and, no-condom-necessary, jumps inside of her.
Grey takes advantage of Ana, dominating her where she did not have prior experience, influence, or expectations. Now, I don’t want to paint this woman as an idiot—she wanted this man and she knew what he was doing, and what she was agreeing to. However, she did not know better and her innocence was used against her. Grey starts out with the upper hand, which is not exclusive to the fact that he is a white heterosexual male exemplifying action-packed hegemonic masculinity, but also that his experience simply exceeds hers.
I also want to deter from the idea that all women need to be held, caressed, baby-stepped, and begged to have sex with. The issue here is that the relationship is completely one-sided and only benefits Grey. Ana is not allowed to touch him or interact with him in a loving way whatsoever. He claims this to be a shade in his “50 of fucked up,” however his personal issues are imposed upon the innocent in a manipulative manner.
One might be surprised to know that many who study BDSM discuss it as a way of sex requiring high levels of intimacy, trust, emotional maturity, communication and self-awareness — none of which were present in the 50 Shades relationship. The biggest issue with Grey and Ana’s relationship is his insistence and her settlement in order to satisfy him and in order to keep him. The issue is not the BDSM inherently, but the way in which it is portrayed with manipulative consent, rather than mutual curiosity and trust.
The viewer is supposed to feel empathy for Christian Grey, as he is explained to have had an abusive past, in which, originally, he was the submissive. This is just one way in which the story asks the audience to feel sorry for or sympathize with Grey for his pain and distress. Ana ultimately hopes to change this man, in hopes that he will fall in love with her and give up his “tortured” lifestyle for a “normal” one. Let us assume this happens — does this erase the previous abuse he has instilled on women?
Masculinity, and its portrayal, cannot be limited to anger. Consider why Ana is really submitting herself to Grey. Especially when having no sexual experience before him, it is difficult to imagine that she wants him to hit her. It actually becomes quite clear that she does not when Grey is whipping her as she cries and cringes in the final scene of the movie. The argument of “but the contract!” is invalid for the safety of this woman. There, again, is no doubt that she wants Grey, and he makes it perfectly clear that if she is going to be involved she will have to be his submissive. His anger, persistence, and manipulative behavior break her down.
I am disappointed in the false depiction of love, lust, and sex in “Fifty Shades of Grey.” The success of this movie is not amusing but scary — people are consuming fallacies of consent, rape, BDSM and relationships at large. Given the widespread issue of rape culture today, especially on college campuses, both the comic and serious moments depicted in this movie run the risk of further distorting people’s ideas of what consensual sex really is.
This idea of consensual rape cannot be taken lightly — abuse is never excusable, and in 50 Shades, sexuality is not ideally depicted. There is nothing to applaud here, there is only a lesson to be learned. A relationship is not a contract. Love is not abuse. Rape is not sexy — something that readers, moviegoers and moms must remember.
